an oldie but goodie

Dear buffer,

Another letter, they seem to be becoming quite the habit. It’s been great. It’s been fun. It’s been just plain dramatic. I mean I have enjoyed it all the while it lasted, but I am frustrated.

I like you yet I can’t do anything about it. Some days you like me, and my world just seems to revolve around it, others you’re hot then you’re cold and that leaves me less bold. I must admit I have thought of us growing old, but I’m not sure our story gets that far told. I mean I can’t even see past the horizon of tomorrow where the sunsets on this chapter, and much seems to be pointing to a never ever after.

Yet in my heart of hearts, there’s hope against all hope, and while I’m thinking that’s dope, I realise I can’t really cope. I don’t even know what I am writing anymore, I guess I just miss you and it’s all that has to be said, how true.

I guess I can only list the things I’ll miss the most: the furtive wink, o thou single eyed blink, the 2 minute stare we share, and the envious glare all else bear..... So yeah..... *sigh*

I’m not going to call anymore, don’t expect a knock on your door but I wish you better years, ones absent of any fears and salty tears.

Again, was never really yours,

Boo boo.

I'm not a poet

I’m not a poet but my pen and I, we form the perfect duet, running riot as my emotions sets us into motion painting pictures of blissful memory, harmony, pain and catastrophe. We move in sync as we mimic the copulating ritual of two bodies bound for life expressing thoughts and ideas that would otherwise remain potential... and this is essential really because I need to express what I feel truly.

I’m not a poet, just a keen observer, a lost sojourner, and a student of life, love and lust, just another man from the dust piecing together patterns of the human experience at a pricey expense. A lost soul, a rebel absent of cause and a prisoner of time tossed through sand, clay and lime further hardened by the furnace of time, realizing that sometimes the fallacy is just the truth that we cannot see.

So... I’m not a poet... just another man who thanks God for spell check and prays often that the teller doesn’t bounce the cheque, probably one plagued with many questions often seeking directions, well aware of his imperfections wishing he was the ladies’ number one selection... but no... So ... He wonders if he could have all he wanted really, all that he longed for deeply,” would I still just be... awesome me?”

Well you guessed it... I’m not a poet just another man who can’t figure the wrong from the right and finds it hard to strictly follow the one true light, so he hugs his pen ever so tight as he finds it hard to walk the fine line while he is surrounded by patches of grey and has to face each day with its dismay as they come as they may...so I seek the wisdom in words, find the beauty in all the worlds hoping they give a clue as to what to do and some days they just do... and when I’m left blue I take delight in knowing the future is bright, pick my pen and start to write at the creative impulse from the flow of the divine that comes out of this pen of mine, well knowing  that this mosaic of ups and downs is a picture of unfathomable beauty orchestrated solely by destiny.

And if you haven’t figured it out really... I’m not a poet just a guy that needs to express himself freely.

Carpe Diem

Seize the moment

None other than you are the proponent

Of your own intent

Lest you be your own opponent

And thus be found despondent

Seize the hour

Let it not turn sour

Or be left in the stupor of dour

When from the challenge you doth cower

Seize the day

While you yet may

And hesitate not, neither sway

For again you just might be in dismay

When you let go and watch your dreams dead as they lay

Dirge to Love

Dear Buffer,



DIRGE TO LOVE



Never thought I'd be  back here again, at the cross-roads, torn between fight and flight. My better judgment says to the right, but my feet turn to the left. It’s just hard to choose and you don’t make the decision any easier. But I am afraid to lose, and now my vision is getting foggier.

I hate this; I hate this whole being a man thing where I have to be responsible for myself kind of thing, cause when I trip and fall, I feel just as much as anyone else, but decisions have to be made and each
consequence dealt with.

So I’m back here again, at this point I know so well, it’s déjà vu, and nothing has changed in the view. Funny, I have a keepsake of those yesteryears, times of pain, sorrow and many tears. So, as I turn to flee, I hope to God my feet don’t fail me, because weighing the options leave me with no option, no choice, just a singular voice, one that has never failed me and Oh God don’t let it derail me.

Because the thoughts of that year leave me trepid and in fear, times when I was left in the loom of gloom, a man jaded whose happiness had just faded and the pain in my chest left me unable to rest, when I opened my mouth to cry, I realized all, breath and tears had forsaken me; being barely able to sigh. Days when the longing for the warmth of another were replaced by a need for a pat from any other and you stand here asking me to choose, calling me a quitter when you’re the one who has got nothing to lose!!!

But I don’t blame you, it’s true, you’re just a gal singing “skip to my luu” , and I’m just a guy with a year’s more experience than you. So we’re not going to stick together like glue and with all my ego I still don’t know how to let go, so, before we go one last round on this not so merry go round of turning tables, of ‘I said this’ and ‘you said that’ and many countless fables and misconstrued tales just know I’m running with between my legs a tail; coward, a sentiment you’ve always felt me-ward.

But with each footstep forward trotting, my heart is in an opposite direction jogging, and though we’re distance apart, yet in thought, we’re suffocating tight, because you call and then we talk from day to dawn, and when I wake with an early morning yawn, it’s you that my mind is on. So damn it, you’re making it hard for me to move on, I guess I’m just waiting till you’re long gone, when your sweet scent no longer forces a sentiment and the vision of your smile no longer makes it worth-while all the while.

Know I’ll be missing you more, even “forever and a day more”.



Never really yours,
 
Boo boo.

I am no superman

Finally something worth reading came out....so feel free to waste five minutes on it..lol..this is fun...and has nothing so what to do with me...again remember..

I am no superman...

I’m not the light at the end of the tunnel

Nor an emotional bag to pummel

I am not the fall on guy

On whom you can rely

Just another one who’s going to feed you too many a lie

I am really not a breath of fresh air

Or a place to lay yourself bare

Matter of fact, I’ll say anything you want to hear

Then later cause you to tear

So you want me to be honest with you

Well then everything you heard is true

I’ m a swirling black hole of chaos

A fall into an abyss, too long continuous

One mindless blur

A trap to ensnare

The next temptation to err

And if you ever think I’m a pit-stop

Move on to the next rest stop

I’m none but a gloomy tavern

Along this road, trounced upon by many a maiden

Serving up nothing but the usual cold drinks of sorrows and salty tears

Wasting away your better years

So if you’re looking for the wind in my cape

No, no, baby, try to escape

But these words will do you no good

Probably because you’re just thinking I’m a really cool dude

So even when I scream out

I am no superman

You won’t hear me out

And fall in love with this mere human.

I believe in the number Pi

I watched a movie once, I think the title is the oxford murders, where this guy stands up to a lecturer and begins a speech with "I believe in the number phi." but then he gets shut down horribly by his professor...anyhu i was just thinking and wondering how much i agreed with the student, I mean all he did was to affirm his believe in an absolute truth, that phi spoke as a metaphor of the invisible hand controlling nature and responsible for the recurring patterns as we see...basically things don't happen randomly but are defined....in simple terms facts don't just state facts but illustrate principles.
And if you are wondering about the number phi, it is also known as the golden section of the Fibonacci series and is an irrational constant and has been found in many fields and applications where proportion of some sort is required to maintain a balance.....so enjoy

Metaphors in all we speak

Most chaotic and ephemeral of events led to the most mellifluous and gradual

I look for meanings in all things bleak

knowing that they're there be it residual

that every key off-chord

contributes not to a universal tune of discord

that nothing is inconsequential

and every moment essential

to the plans of a master architect

A watchman, a prefect

quite the perfecter

in whatever his prefecture

and though we stand with scripted destinies

we each accountable for his liabilities

and though we understand not perfection

in his chosen direction

we stand knowing that he is justified

and soon to be glorified

and so why phi?

Funny, when phi answers our 'why'

most things math and science require a phi and not a pi

a number of complicated definition

occurring in many a situation

a symbol of universal causality

that a butterfly flaps here

a hurricane occurs there

causing casualty

that events no matter how unrelated

fit a sequence fated

and definitely complicated

so you ask why?

To know that for every truth there's a lie

and my life is in a hand greater than I

So here goes nothing I believe in the number phi!!!!

While I am alive.

Woke from a dream,

where I stood by a stream

where the sun turned dull

and its heat lull,

and everything big and small

none but appall'.

Where nature's beauty

left as I felt sleepy,

and this dream took over,

so i stood sober

well shaken

realising everything was taken

wondering 'why?'

I never took a breather just to sigh

to take a pause

just to repose.

So i woke this morning

not in mourning,

but in appreciation

for the current situation,

happy for the sting

that the sun does bring

knowing all is a God-given chance

to take a stance

for one last glance

to know what i'll be missing

when everything is gone missing

to live 

and let live

be 

and let be

and to set free

that i might be

somewhat, somehow hopefully
set free
to be

never in misery

So here I stand cheerfully

knowing definitely

that i must live and live fully

like each day is the first

of the rest
So I woke this morning
not in mourning
but in appreciation
for the current situation
that now i must realize 
and recognize
the truth from the lies
and to synchronize 
and sensitize
in acquiescence 
my very essence
to get a clearer sense
of the truth that I must live
not in hatred  and in regret but in love
all the while I am alive.

Know Thy Self..

Know Thy self.....

The Ancient Greek aphorism "Know thyself", was inscribed in the ‘pronaos’ (forecourt) of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi - according to the Greek ‘periegetic, (travelogue) writer Pausanias.

The maxim, or aphorism, 'Know Thyself' has had a variety of meanings attributed to it in literature. The Suda, a 10th Century encyclopedia of Greek Knowledge, says: "the proverb is applied to those whose boasts exceed what they are," and that "know thyself" is a warning to pay no attention to the opinion of the multitude.

An opinion shared by proponents of the Christian faith, with Paul saying, “For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think. But set your mind to be right-minded, even as God has dealt to every man the measure of faith.”(Romans 12:3)

While deliberating on the above aphorism and its many uses and application through both history and literature, I was afforded the opportunity for an introspection of life in retrospect and this piece came up. Many of us sail through without ever pausing to realize what changes and transformations have taken place, we move and live on unaware of the minor transformations that have major implications on our life.

Knowing yourself is the tool necessary to locate you on your road map of self-allotted space-time coordinates in your plan and purpose of life. Knowing where you currently stand enables you to determine the work that needs to be done to achieve where you want to be. Though the criteria for the aphorism’s many a reechoing in history have differed the purpose has been singular, and it is to know where you stand. In biblical significance, Paul speaks of being able to judge yourself soberly or accurately by being able to judge the measure of faith given you, it’s interesting to note that he speaks about this before expatiating on the purpose of individuals in the corporate body of Christ, that we all being different have each a unique role to play and our ability to determine our function is in knowing our gifts and the measure of faith given us, again the reecho of knowing yourself. To be able to function properly we all ought to judge ourselves soberly and to determine who we are accurately. Without pausing to take a breather or a look back we risk becoming someone we never intended to be.

“For man to know himself is for him to feel that for him there is no human master. For him Nature is his servant, and whatsoever he wills in Nature, that shall be his reward. If he wills to be a pigmy, a serf or a slave, that shall he be. If he wills to be a real man in possession of the things common to man, then he shall be his own sovereign. When man fails to grasp his authority he sinks to the level of the lower animals, and whatsoever the real man bids him do, even as if it were of the lower animals, that much shall he do.”- Marcus Garvey (Know Thy Self)

The piece below depicts the imagery of a man overtaken by the tides of events and unable to recognize who he is and no longer able to determine what he stands for….enjoy.

Man in the mirror

Once in the mirror I looked

A vision I beheld

A man who stood five foot of bliss

As though no goal he’d miss

Untainted by what was soon to be the progression of time

Now a sketch pad of marks etched on by no other villain than time

Each wrinkle behind, a story did conceal

And every line a lesson did reveal

...........................

As I stared, eyes did stare back

Now its former intensity does it lack

A stare full of purpose once did it resonate

And through his very core did it once reverberate

Now I see eyes lacking any purpose

And a demeanour of zest-less compose

................................

Once a vision of arms that knew no toil

Now a vision of hands ranked with those of evil soil

I knew him who stood before me

Or I thought I did momentarily

For he looked familiar

And to say I was not deceived would make me a liar

For though the same he did seem in stature

Yet in essence he did differ

For his scars spoke of the terrors he once did suffer

...........................................

Neither a glare nor a blank stare I beheld

But one throbbing from the singular question it held:

“If we’re the sum of our experiences then who have I become?”

Lesson Learnt

A touch of inexperience and ineptitude leaves your opinions one-sided and myopic  along with your expectations and anticipations but a little touch from the other side leaves you illuminated and aware, something we all need, awareness.

When you're aware of all the possibilities, your actions become more calculated and you're better responsible for you and your actions, and when things go wrong you respond better having made accounts and counted the cost...the pain doesn't surprise you. 

This lesson took time to learn but it was worthwhile, I mean we can't anticipate all the changes that are bound to happen up and along the road, very much like sitting in a roller-coaster blindfolded; an unending fluctuation of ups and downs, a metaphor for the vicissitudes of life; just a winding road of unanticipated changes. I have learnt that the best you can do on each ride is to resign yourself to enjoying it but I guess it's just a lot easier to enjoy when before stepping onto the ride you're well aware of the possibilities.

About two years ago, being as naive as I was I stepped onto a ride and the end result caught me unawares, shocked, wounded and damn near depressed, I learnt a valuable lesson that though love is sweet and blissful and my opinion was not all false, love also offers another flavour; one less likely to be spoken of. So I learnt and my journey to awareness began...

So I wrote a piece for how I hit my learning curve(where it all started), comical in its elements yet true of its feeling..aaaahhh just kidding this is for laughs enjoy.

Lesson Learnt.

Listening to Lemar

Has got me thinking about the one that got away

It’s funny how she left me with a scar

And now she’s a friend to stay.

I find funnier how songs can do that to you

And their words are so so true

They leave you all so blue

And stuck in your room to rue

It’s official I hate love songs!!!

And the emotions they stir along

Or am I just too sentimental?

Crapp!!!! This shit is driving me mental!!!

NO Lemar!!! There is not much justice in the world!!

So stop searching for any truth in a word.

No, I didn’t meet her first, it’s true

But what we felt was true

Though we had no clue

That we’d both end up feeling blue

One for a different reason than the other

All I wanted was to be her lover

But she just couldn’t leave the other.

Now I fear I may never feel the same for another.

This morning I caught cupid fly by

Trying to do a drive-by

I shot that son-of-a-bitch right out of the sky.

It was with his own arrow too

Just so he’d know how it feels to be a number 2.

That naked brat does not know the troubles he does incur

With those arrows that strong emotions do stir.

I guess he’s never tasted love

To know its bitter-sweet after taste

First you’re floating like a dove

And then bam!!! Next like a dried up date

And if you didn’t know, that’s a fruit

Please, don’t hate

Oh charley allow my horn to toot.

I guess it was sweet when first we did kiss

A moment sad to say I don’t really miss

In the beginning we both thought it was romantic,

Then got to frantic,

Then things that are normally small become gigantic

And we find ourselves sinking like the titanic

True, I stole those words from Talib Kweli

But guess what?? He ain’t no Mohammed Ali.

You see it’s sweet in the beginning and then bitter

When her words finally leave you slapped sober,

Or she dies and leaves you, both ways it’s over.

Every gain with its loss, and every silver with its dross

Love comes and goes

But it’s bitter-sweet when it does.

Lesson learnt.